Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick?
A: A tick drops off you when you die.

* * *

Q: What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer?
A: You can make a pet out of the snake.

* * *

Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.

* * *

A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day.
The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, "you're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit."
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said "you're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground.
You must be a lawyer."

* * *

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular,
"Lawyers are horses' asses."
Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country."

* * *

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

* * *

The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it.

* * *

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

* * *

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers.

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