Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.

One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"

The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."

Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."

The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"

The first says, "That's easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."

* * *

If builders built buildings the way lawyers write laws, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

* * *

A young lawyer with her first big case held forth to the jury hour after hour, straying far from the point of the case.

When she finally sat down, her more experienced adversary rose and, turning to the jury, said, "I'll follow the example set by my learned opponent and submit this case to you without argument."

* * *

"It is hard to say whether the doctors of law or of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery."
--Samuel Goldwyn

* * *

"Lawyers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief."
--Franz Kafka

* * *

A young attorney who had taken over his father's practice rushed home elated one night.

"Dad, listen," he shouted, "I've finally settled that old McKinney suit."

"Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life."

* * *

"The minute you read something you don't understand, you can be almost sure it was drawn up by a lawyer."
--Will Rogers

* * *

"Your Honor, in the first place, as they say, I am going to say it. I was going to say what you said and the reason I am going to say it, is not because you just said it. If you had not said it, I was going to say it first."
--A lawyer speaking to a judge

* * *

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

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