A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

* * *

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100. She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that stuck to it was a second $100 bill.

Immediately the ethical question arose in the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

* * *

Two lawyers when a knotty case was o'er,
Shook hands, and were as friendly as before.
Said the client, "Tell me how
You can be friends, who fought just now."
"Thou fool!" said one. "We lawyers, though so keen,
Like shears, ne'er cut ourselves, but what's between."
--Burl Ives

* * *

Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? He started swimming toward the far-off shore, wondering how he could make it safely. As he was swimming, the sharks seemed to make way for him, helping him reach shore safely. We suspect it was professional courtesy.

* * *

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up from the table and said, "I have to go back to the office-I forgot to lock the safe!"

"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."

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