A lawsuit has been called a method of extracting half of a debt by demanding
double the payment.
* * *
An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown
attorney's office as his lawyer handed him his will. "Your estate is very
complex," said the lawyer, "but I've made sure that all of your wishes will be
executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500."
Just then, the phone rang and the lawyer got involved with a long call. Thinking the
lawyer had said "$500," the old man wrote out his check and left. When she got
off the phone and realized the old man's mistake, the lawyer ran after him down the stairs
and into the parking lot just as he drove away. Feeling frustrated, the lawyer looked at
the check and decided to accept the situation philosophically. "Oh well," she
said to herself, "$500 for one hour's work isn't bad."
* * *
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin
containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my
family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend
over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into
the casket, and the car salesman did the same.
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
* * *
Human one: I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making
money.
Human two: Why do you say that?
Human one: Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your
case: $25.00'.
* * *
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general,
were keen to understand why it had ended so quickly.
"Well," said the general, "we had a crack regiment at the most sensitive
front. It was a special reserve unit made up of lawyers and accountants. When the time
came we ordered them to charge--and boy, did they know how to charge."
* * *
A famous lawyer found himself at heaven's gates confronting St. Peter. He
protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.
"That's odd," said St. Peter, "according to the hours you've billed you're
119 years old."
* * *
Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.
* * *
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer
went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him,
“Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer
was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
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